Come hell or high water

I'll be honest, college work or anything college related has taken a back seat the past few weeks because my work ethic dropped when the pandemic hit. 

I've been feeling out of sorts lately, with a plethora of worry over being high risk and also living with my gran who is high risk, almost 70, plus has a cocktail of medical issues under her belt that require monthly hospital visits, my mind has been elsewhere. My little one isn't at school so trying to even attempt work seems to send off a signal that causes him to come running into my office room demanding to play which means I'm getting very little time to sit down and get things done, so, I've been slacking off but with good reason. 

All of it has gotten a bit much though because I'm now sat at 3am writing this post with high degree of worry as I ask myself, how am I going to pass my HND? I started off isolation with big plans of sticking to a video diary, of keeping the blog updated and even wrote out a script plus shot list for an advert on a cleaning product but as the days went by, my desire to knuckle down soon went out the window. 

My anxiety is peaking as I think about how on earth I am actually going to be able to get work done with a 6 year old always on the go and a gran who is requiring more care as she can't get to hospital for her monthly jags which help her function a little better. I've tried making to do lists, I have about 7 or 8 other blog posts started, my daily video diary is still sitting at three videos and I have work mounting up. What am I actually going to do? 

I've tried to put the skeleton of a showreel together but I've realised that I simply do not have enough footage for this, so if it's still a requirement from the SQA to pass HND, I'm f***ed. The worry is real and it's really starting to impact my mental health because I've put my all into my college work, I always try my best and hold myself to a high standard so to have hit this hurdle feels a little bit anxiety inducing. I'll be honest, I'm not coping well with this quarantine any more and it scares the hell out of me. 

I genuinely have no idea what my next step is, I feel like most people assume that because we are at home we have all the time in the world to get work done but the reality is, I don't. 

Just getting this all off my chest right now though is a little comforting because maybe this will mean my brain can get a bit of a rest so I can get some sleep and tackle this issue when I'm feeling a little better, fingers crossed! 

I plan on taking a look at what I can do to get out of this hole I feel I'm in, wither that be a new work plan or locking myself away for a day to get on top, I will figure this out because I have a fire in me to get the best out of college that I can, I don't want these last 3 years to be ruined, I don't want to fail my HND and I don't want to give up. The saying "come hell or high water" comes to mind when I think about passing college, because it's a goal I have my mind set on.

Here's hoping that I'll be back with a new post outlining the solution I've found that works for me.


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